


One Week at Perry's

by Chaos_Valkyrie



Series: Agent O [15]
Category: Phineas and Ferb
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Ballgowninator, Boys Finally Getting Their Shit Together, Dance Baby, Dirty Thoughts, Domestic Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gossip, Grocery Shopping, Heinz is a little shit, Implied Sexual Content, Jealous Heinz, Jealous Perry, M/M, Mission Date, Misunderstandings, Mutual Pining, Obstacle course, Overdramatic Heinz, Pet Shows, Pining, Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-04
Updated: 2016-08-03
Packaged: 2018-07-20 02:28:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 17,390
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7386994
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chaos_Valkyrie/pseuds/Chaos_Valkyrie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Perry nervously rubbed his hands together as he surveyed the room before him. The sheets were dryer fresh, the furniture freshly dusted and the rugs newly vacuumed. Everything was ready and as prepped as it could be, and still, he remained both elated and totally freaked out.</p><p>Why? Because tomorrow would mark the first day of his best friend slash major love interest living with him. For an entire week.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue: The Day Before

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry! Yesterday was a crap day, and by the time I was finally home and able to update, the storms we had knocked out the internet (again). 
> 
> We're here, kiddies. This one should have 8 parts, maybe an epilogue, but we're finally here. The one where they finally figure things out.

Perry nervously rubbed his hands together as he surveyed the room before him. The sheets were dryer fresh, the furniture freshly dusted and the rugs newly vacuumed. Everything was ready and as prepped as it could be, and still, he remained both elated and totally freaked out.

Why? Because tomorrow would mark the first day of his best friend slash major love interest living with him. For an entire week.

It had been a month now, since that horrible last blind date – Perry had finally put his foot down with Linda – when he had come to his major, life-changing revelation.

He was madly, stupidly in love with his best friend. Had been practically since the beginning of their nemesis-ship turned friendship turned whatever this was now. And all it took was one absent-minded chin scratch to have it all come crashing down on top of him at once.

He had done his best, since his revelation, in trying to keep things as normal as possible. Heinz was his best friend, probably the greatest friend anyone could ever have in the history of ever, and he for one wasn’t going to risk it. He would try to feel Heinz out, maybe, eventually – but he wouldn’t force anything. This relationship, more than practically anything else in his life, was the one thing he wasn’t willing to risk.

Heinz was his everything, he’d realized that night. And he was happy to take anything the ocelot was willing to give in return, even if it meant his own ultimate feelings were unrequited.

He could live with that, as long as he got to keep Heinz.

So Perry shut the door to his guest room – where the boys normally stayed – and went to check over the other communal rooms of his apartment. Everything seemed ship-shape – he might do a little extra vacuuming later, if he felt like it – and so he let himself collapse on his couch and pine a little bit more.

He’d been pining a lot lately, in his free time, which he really would have to curb this coming week. But until then…

The Flynn-Fletchers were going out-of-state to an antiquing conference at a resort that didn’t allow pets. And so, Perry, as the ever-convenient nearby relation, had agreed to ‘pet-sit’ Heinz for the duration of the trip. And because this was his life, he’d agreed on two fronts – Heinz’s bashful query on one side, and the kids’ puppy eyes on the other. How could he say no – not that he ever would – to either assault?

Of course Heinz could stay with him for the week. The blindingly relieved smiles on both fronts cemented his resolve, even as he died a little inside. 

He had to keep his feelings to himself. Heinz had never dated, never had a relationship, and Perry respected that – respected that Heinz may never – would probably never – reciprocate Perry’s affections.

And that was okay. Perry wasn’t about to fuck up the best thing in his life – again – by pressuring his best friend into something he regretted.

How was this his life? He wondered. He was in love with his best friend… who just so happened to be an entirely different species…

‘He was human once…’ the little dark voice of his subconscious whispered.

This was true. Heinz was an animal, but he wasn’t an animal about it. Hell, he was more ‘human’ than most ‘humans’ Perry had known. More open-minded, more understanding, more compassionate, more… everything, really, than anyone Perry had ever known.

Until now, Perry had never let anyone get this close. He had dated, to be sure, but most relationships didn’t last long. Sometimes, they simply weren’t compatible; sometimes, they wanted totally different things; mostly, they didn’t understand his fervor for his own personal cause. Protecting the platypuses, protecting all animals, protecting the environment that supported said animals. 

Perry had been committed to this cause since his own, personal, tragedy. No one had ever understood – ‘they were just animals!’ – until Heinz.

Heinz, who had slipped under his defenses without even trying. Who had his own, eerily similar, background. Who understood Perry, better than anyone, since both his birth parents, and adopted parents, had died.

Perry’s hand clenched into a fist of determination. He would do his best, this week, to keep his best and greatest friend as simply that – his best friend.

He owed Heinz that – and everything more.


	2. Day One: Sunday

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been sick all day, so besides reading over it, I didn't grammar or spell check. So if you catch anything, it'll probably be fixed at next update.
> 
> Enjoy!

“Hurry up, kids, your Uncle Perry will be here any minute!” Linda called into the living room, where Heinz and his kids were saying their goodbyes.

“Now you behave for Uncle Perry, boy,” Phineas pretended to be stern as he hugged Heinz around the neck and shoulders. Heinz placed a paw on his back, purring as he scent-marked his shoulder. Phineas gave him one last squeeze, then stepped back so Heinz could do the same to Ferb.

Candace swooped in as the boys were leaving the room, pulling Heinz's paws onto her shoulders as she gave him a full bodied hug.

“You be good this week, and we’ll have a rom-com fest when I get back,” she told him, and his purring deepened. “God only knows what Uncle Perry watches, probably boring documentaries or something.” Heinz snorted at this. “And if you meet his new boyfriend, check him out for us, okay? Mom seems to think he’s a keeper, but Dad has said that he’s dated some real jerks in the past, so keep him safe for us, okay?” She kissed Heinz on his cheek, then stood up to go get her own things.

Heinz barely noticed her leave. Perry has a new boyfriend? But… wouldn’t Perry have told Heinz about this? It hadn’t been long since the Kevin fiasco, Heinz thought, mind racing, so it couldn’t be serious, could it?

The doorbell rang, and Heinz pushed the thought from his mind as his three kids swooped down on him all at once.

“Bye Heinz, we love you,” Ferb stated, and all thoughts were pushed from his mind as properly scent marked his kids one last time. Never know what strange animals they had at these resorts…

Lawrence entered the room, followed by Perry. “Come on now, kids, your Uncle Perry has loaded Heinz’s things into the car. Its time for all of us to go!” The kids pulled back reluctantly, and Heinz chirped a bit of a tearful farewell to them.

Phineas sniffed. “What kind of resort only bans ocelots and not any other pet?” Heinz knew a briefly guilty look flashed across his face, and he was unsurprised to see Perry eyeing him thoughtfully as he bent down to clip the leash to Heinz’s collar.

‘I’ll take good care of him, kids,’ Perry promised, giving each of the kids his own hug before the whole family stepped outside. Heinz and Perry stood side-by-side as the kids piled into the back seat of their car, and continued to watch and wave as they pulled out and drove out of sight.

Perry opened the passenger side door for Heinz, removing the leash before shutting the door and walking around to the driver’s side. After they had both buckled themselves in, Perry turned to Heinz with a smirk.

‘It is strange that the resort would welcome any other pet, but specifically ban ocelots,’ he noted with a raised eyebrow, before focusing his attention on the road.

Heinz tried not to look sheepish, but judging from the quickly smothered grin on Perry’s face, he failed.

‘What did you do?’ his best friend asked after a long pause, attention mostly focused on traffic.

Heinz hung his head. ‘Kevin and I might have set off a very tiny explosion there during one of our battles. It was years ago, I’m surprised they still remember it.’

‘Uh-huh.’ Perry’s churr dripped with sarcasm and disbelief.

Heinz cringed. ‘All right, the explosion itself didn’t do much damage. It was the water main that it hit that just may have flooded half the guest rooms.’

Perry chuckled, and Heinz felt his face flush under his fur. ‘Even I was young and reckless once too, you know! Anyway, that’s why I’m never allowed to take missions in that area ever again.’

Perry continued to laugh at him as he parked his car in front of his building. They let themselves out, Perry waving off Heinz's offer of assistance as he grabbed the ocelot's things.

They made it up to Perry's apartment without a hitch, Perry dropping the box next to the door while Heinz sighed. 

'I'm actually not going to need most of that stuff. Not the litter box -'

'Good, because I'm not scooping litter -' Perry interjected. Heinz shrugged.

'And not the kibble -' he eyed Perry thoughtfully, 'Unless you're not planning on feeding me while I'm here.'

Perry took mock-offense. 'Of course I plan to feed you!' He walked over to his fridge and threw open the freezer. 'Voila! We shall eat like kings!'

Heinz eyed Perry's stock of insta-meals and snorted. He pushed Perry out of the way, opening the fridge and perusing its sad, near-empty state. 

He looked a suddenly wary Perry dead in the eyes and said, 'Well, kibble it is then.'

'What!'

'Do you even know how to cook?!' Heinz asked, walking over to root through Perry's cabinets. He found a lot of cereal and some cookware that had clearly barely been used. He looked over his shoulder at the sheepish man, who was looking off to the side, one hand rubbing the back of his neck in embarrassment.

'If its very easy to prepare, then yeeesss,' Perry stated hesitantly, and Heinz sighed. He shut the cabinets and walked over, rubbing against Perry's side as he walked back to the front hall.

'Come on then!' He threw the man his car keys. 'Let's get to the store while its still early!'

'Come again?' Perry asked, falling into step next to Heinz.

'You're letting me stay here for the week... least I can do is cook!'

'You don't have to do that,' Perry stated. Heinz grinned.

'I'll make that stinky cheese you like so much,' he singsonged. He blinked and then laughed as Perry grabbed him up and took off for the elevator.

'What are we waiting for then!'

*****

Heinz hummed happily to himself as he watched Perry cook. The trip to the store had earned them a few awkward looks – which they ignored – as Heinz rode in the cart's basket, pointing out things for Perry to add to the cart. He forced his friend to bypass the insta-food aisles completely.

Upon arriving home, Heinz washed his paws and walked Perry through the steps of making a simple stir-fry. Normally Heinz would use all raw ingredients from scratch, but at least using some precooked ingredients would help keep Perry fed on a healthier diet.

'Who taught you to cook?' Perry asked, carefully paying attention to the skillet before him. Heinz shrugged.

'I used to cook a lot for myself when I was just a kid, before the whole ocelot-thing. It was after I joined OWCA that I started trying new things, experimenting. Living off the cafeteria food 24-7 gets real old, real fast. I'm mostly self-taught.' Heinz said with a shrug. Perry gave him an admiring look, and Heinz sniffed.

'It smells done, you can take it off the heat now,' he said. Perry turned off the burner and placed the skillet on the waiting hot pad.

'For those of us with pathetic, human noses, how do we tell if its done,' Perry asked as he began plating up their meals. Heinz snorted.

'We used precooked chicken this time... if you use fresh, cut open a piece and check if its still pink inside or not. Remember, char always means its done.'

Perry chuffed a laugh, setting a plate in front of Heinz at his small kitchen table. The two dug in, Perry looking surprised that he had managed to produce something edible mostly on his own.

Heinz purred softly. 'So, out of curiosity, why don't you have any pets? The kids seem to make a big deal out of that,' Heinz asked. Perry shrugged in response, swallowing his food before answering.

'I've thought about it, but it would just be too awkward. I can speak animal speak – it would be more like having a furry roommate than a pet. What if we didn't get along?' Heinz nodded at the logic behind this.

They finished up their meal chatting about work and missions. Heinz noticed with a bit of shock that the sun was starting to set – they had been chatting for hours without realizing.

Perry noticed Heinz's glance outside. 'Something wrong?' he asked. Heinz grimaced.

'I've gotta bathe before work tomorrow. Its going to take forever. Mind showing me where my room is?'

Perry shot to his feet quickly, beckoning Heinz down the hallway. 'S-sure, I should've showed you earlier. I put you in the room the boys always use,' he said, opening the door before looking back.

Heinz smiled at him, having grabbed his grooming kit in passing. 'Thank you! I'll see you later, hopefully after I'm done,' he chirped, shutting the door softly behind him.

*****

Perry fell face first on his bed with a churring groan. This week was going to be the death of him, he just knew it, as he tried to force images of Heinz bathing out his mind.

No, he was not getting half hard at the mental images of his best friend giving himself a full-bodied tongue-bath. He really really wasn't...

Who was he fucking kidding. Fuck his life, it was time for a cold shower before he humiliated himself in front of Heinz.

Perry ran a hand absently through his hair as he walked out into the hall and into the master bath... only to find the mirrors fogged up, the room still hazy with steam. He looked around confused, before heading back out of the room and down the hall to the guest room.

'Heinz?' he asked, opening the door at the ocelot's chirp. 

Heinz clicked off the hair dryer once Perry had entered the room. The ocelot looked half-drowned, sitting on a couple of damp towels in the middle of the rug, blow dryer in one paw, comb in the other.

Perry stood there a moment, confused. 'I thought you were bathing?'

'I did. I took a shower.' Heinz looked equally confused before realization made him smirk. 'What did you think I meant?'

'Umm.' Perry could feel his face heating as he tried to force the mental images away again. Heinz giggled at him, and Perry tried not to find the sight adorable. He failed, smiling softly in return.

'The shower is the easy part. Its the drying my fur that takes forever,' Heinz stated, shaking his head. 'In the lair, I have a Air-Dry-inator that can do this in minutes, but it was too big to slip by everyone. I should've done this this morning,' he shrugged, 'but the kids latched onto me as soon as they woke up,' he finished fondly.

'I could help,' Perry offered before he could stop himself. He resisted slapping himself in the face as Heinz beamed up at him.

'Could you?' Heinz looked so relieved Perry couldn't hate himself for offering. 'I can never quite reach all of my back, and it takes longer if I can't fluff and dry,' he said, making motions with the comb and dryer.

'I'll just go get my blow dryer,' Perry replied. He turned out of the room, the dryer starting up again behind him. He grinned as he heard Heinz start humming the latest Bettys hit as he fluffed and dried.

Perry gave himself a long look in the bathroom mirror, chanting inwardly, 'Only six more days. You can do this. Only Six. More. Days.'

Who was he kidding? He watched his own face fall. He was so fucked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor, poor awkward Perry. And this is just the first day!
> 
> Look forward to more angst and fluff next time!


	3. Day Two: Monday

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don’t have a real excuse for being late. I have acquired a new dog. I wasn’t planning on getting a dog, but the poor baby latched on to me, and I’m a sucker like that. She’s 7 years old approximately (according to the vet) and she was dumped on the highway in front of my farm, where she spent the entire day (according to the auto shop owner across the road) almost getting hit by numerous cars. The guys at the shop tried to catch her, but couldn’t, then she got to sit through the nasty thunderstorm we had that afternoon, finally ending up in my front yard at 4PM. It took me an hour to convince her to come to me, but she’s mine now.
> 
> Anywho, caring for her and dog-proofing the house sucked up all my writing time. Now that things have settled, we’ll hopefully get back on track.
> 
> Enjoy.

Perry awoke to the smell of coffee, and smiled into his pillow.

He had always believed, after having lived alone for so long, that he would hate having his space invaded by another person. However, with Heinz at least, he found himself enjoying sharing his home with someone else.

Especially someone who cooked. He sniffed the air eagerly, sleepily registering the smells of homemade breakfast. He jumped out of bed and dressed quickly, before eagerly striding to his kitchen.

There he found Heinz standing on a chair in front of the stove, slurping from a coffee mug in one paw, and stirring a batch of scrambled eggs with a spoon in the other.

‘Morning!’ Heinz chirped, putting down his mug to poke at a batch of hashbrowns in another pan. ‘Your tea is over there,’ he gestured to the table, which was already set with plates and flatware. Perry grinned, sitting down and picking up his tea.

‘You didn’t have to do all this,’ he said, causing Heinz to shrug.

‘Honestly, I love cooking, and its been a while since I’ve gotten to go all out like this. So, its really no problem,’ he stated, flicking off the burners. Perry rushed to help him carry the food to the table – eggs, hashbrowns, bacon, and biscuits.

‘Well, dig in!’ Heinz exclaimed, setting his coffee down to start fixing his own plate.

The two ate in near silence, comfortable and hungry enough to forgo conversation. After washing up quickly, Perry grabbed his keys and wallet, and the two headed out.

‘So what have you got going on this week?’ Perry asked after they’d buckled in and pulled into traffic.

‘The usual, reverse-engineering whatever –inators come in. Its always kind of fascinating, figuring out what makes them – and their scientists by extension – work,’ Heinz gushed. Perry smiled softly to himself as the ocelot plowed through explaining what insights he had had about various scientists given the workings of their inventions.

Perry was almost disappointed to reach the OWCA parking lot. It was always a joy seeing Heinz this passionate about his work, and he was sorry to see it end.

‘And that sums up why Newton and I think Dr. Dim turned to Evil,’ Heinz finished, his arms held wide, illustrating his point. Perry clapped a little, relishing in Heinz’s bashful response.

The two entered HQ, only to have Carl come rushing up to meet them. “Hey, guys, the Major wants to see both of you in his off, STAT,” the intern panted.

Heinz shared a perplexed look with Perry and shrugged. They followed Carl up to the Major’s office, where he greeted them jovially.

“Agent P, Heinz, first, congratulations on your new cohabitation!” he exclaimed. Perry could feel his face redden as Heinz tilted his head in confusion.

“Sir! I told you, its just for the week while Heinz’s host family is on vacation!” Carl jumped in quickly.

“So…” Monogram trailed off, confused. “They’re not –“

“No sir!” Carl interrupted quickly, giving Monogram a significant look. Perry noticed Heinz look to him for an explanation, but thankfully Monogram chose to plow forward before Perry could speak.

“Well, er, Agent P, we have a mission for you – a cold case that recently became hot again.” Monogram handed him a folder, which he flipped open. 

Heinz peeked over his arm, and Perry lowered the folder to show him. ‘Gary the Gander?’ Heinz asked. Perry looked over to his friend, who was busily signing to Carl. ‘Its been ten years! I thought the agency closed that case for lack of evidence?’

Carl translated for Monogram, who shrugged. “It may just be a rumor, but we have been tipped off to an informant who may know more about our missing goose. That’s where you come in, Heinz. Agent P will need to meet this informant at the Danville Pet show, which is taking place Thursday morning at the Tri-state Park. In order to blend in, Agent P will need to have an animal agent attend with him as his ‘pet’. We thought that given your relationship with Agent P, he would feel more comfortable working with you than any other agent.”

Just as Perry felt his face cooling, the Major had to make him flush again. Carl’s knowing look wasn’t helping matters either.

Heinz, of course, completely missed what kind of relationship the Major was implying. He grinned up at Perry, his tail twitching in excitement. ‘I know we’ll make a great team, Partner!’ He raised his paw for Perry to fist-bump, which he did with a wry smile.

“Until then, you’re dismissed to return to your current assignments,” Monogram saluted them, and Perry saluted back while Heinz nodded in return. They turned and left the office, where a still bouncy Heinz turned to Perry.

‘See you at lunch?’ he asked, and Perry nodded in return. Heinz chirped a farewell, and trotted off in the direction of his laboratory. Perry wiped a hand over his face and sighed, turning to go to his cubicle.

*****

The lab door banged open not an hour later.

‘Heinz!’ Perry asked, frantically looking around the room. Heinz popped his head up from his bench, where he’d been examining a Poofenplotz original.

‘Perry? Is it lunch already?’ Heinz’s eyes flashed to the wall… no, it was still a couple of hours until then. Heinz’s eyes widened as Perry briskly walked over to where he was working.

‘Have you checked your email today?’ the man asked, eyes white-rimmed with shock and confusion. Worriedly, Heinz tried to think back over his emails and what could’ve caused this reaction.

‘Yes, I did. Why?’ Heinz couldn’t think of anything shocking…

“Did you know Agents C and F were married?” Perry asked, still wide eyed.

Oh. This had to do with the mass invitation to their anniversary party. Heinz snorted.

“Yes, it was a lovely ceremony.’ Heinz smiled in fond remembrance.

Perry looked confused. “But…” He pulled himself up to sit on the edge of the workbench, facing Heinz.

Heinz shrugged. “OWCA, for all its secrecy, is a very open minded agency.”

“But a frog and a cow? You don’t find that… odd?” Perry asked, his eyes darting about the room, a very slight blush staining his cheeks. Heinz found it adorable that he was so flustered by this.

Heinz snorted again. “I once went on a mission where I discovered a human woman happily married to a humpback whale. If they didn’t have a problem with it, why should we? Love is love.” Heinz shrugged, and Perry finally looked him in the eye and smiled softly.

“Just don’t ask about their sex-life…” Heinz warned, holding up a paw, “Animal agents aren’t shy about such things like humans… and those two can talk about what they get up to for hours…” 

Heinz giggled as Parry flushed bright red and promptly fell off the bench.

*****

‘So, do you actually remember Gary the Gander?’ Perry asked curiously over their beverage break later. He’d been too flustered (and secretly elated) to ask at lunch, especially with Heinz smirking at him at random times, just to get Perry’s reaction. 

Heinz hummed thoughtfully. ‘Yep. He was a good agent, only worked part time because of the whole Flying South thing. We were all worried when he went missing.’

Perry sipped his tea, thinking. ‘Do you think it was foul play?’ Heinz chuckled, and Perry grinned. ‘You know what I meant.’

‘Not sure,’ Heinz shrugged. ‘I remember there wasn’t much evidence to be found, and he didn’t have a nemesis because of his migratory habits.’ Heinz sipped some coffee. ‘I hope this lead pans out… it would be nice to have some closure for those of us who remember him.’

Perry’s watch beeped, and he made a face at it, causing Heinz to giggle. ‘Break’s over, I guess,’ he said, hurriedly gulping the last of his tea. 

‘See you at five? I thought I’d teach you to make pasta tonight!’ Heinz chirped, turning back to his computer.

‘Sounds good!’ Perry replied, waving as he left the office. Returning to his own cubicle and work load, he smiled to himself. This roommate thing was really working out well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ended it there because otherwise this probably wouldn’t get posted tonight. 
> 
> Again, sorry about not posting on Sunday. Hopefully, now that the dog is settled and we’re getting a routine, she won’t suck away so much of my writing time and effort. 
> 
> See you on Sunday!


	4. Day Three: Tuesday

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just past midnight, I know. But at least still close to to Sunday.
> 
> I realized that I named the blind date Kevin, thinking that sounded off for some reason, and now realize that’s Destructicon’s first name. Duh. So he’s been renamed Richard… I’ll go back and correct that mistake in Blind Date and the earlier chapters of this one by Weds.

‘You know,’ Perry said after swallowing a mouthful of pancakes, ‘If you ever wanted to leave the kids, you could always move in here with me.’

Heinz giggled. ‘You only love me for my food.’

Heinz twitched as a funny expression passed over Perry’s face, which was quickly replaced with a wide grin.

‘I could get you a frilly apron to wear while you cook,’ he joked, ‘You’d look quite fetching.’

Heinz snorted into his coffee, shooting Perry a dirty look when he started chuckling.

‘I’d totally rock that apron,’ Heinz sniffed in disdain. ‘I do believe its time we left for work, Mr. Fletcher.’

Perry smiled and rose from his chair. ‘After you, Mr. Doofenshmirtz.’

*****

Perry groaned and narrowly refrained from banging his head on his keyboard. He loved having Heinz live with him, he really did… but there were moments when it was just too damn difficult.

He rested his chin on his desk and looked forlornly up at the picture of Gary the Gander on his monitor. He knew he was supposed to be working, but his mind kept replaying his own reaction to Heinz’s words this morning.

‘You only love me for my food.’

He’d had to bite back on the sudden torrent of all the reasons why yes, he loved Heinz, and not just because of his culinary talent…

And so, to deflect, he made a throw away comment about Heinz in a frilly apron. Which he now could just not get out of his head and how freaking adorable he’d be dressed in said frilly apron, cheerfully cooking with Perry in his kitchen…

He gave in and started lightly tapping his forehead on the desk in front of him.

‘Looks like someone finally figured it out,’ came Bea’s amused voice.

‘Figured out what?’ Perry asked, forehead still rhythmically tapping the desk.

‘That’s he’s in love with his best friend,’ came the reply, and Perry’s head shot up so fast his neck cricked. He churred in pain as he rubbed the back of his neck, eyeing a widely smiling Bea in horror.

He tried to reply, but only another churring growl came out, in absence of coherent thought.

‘So, when’s the wedding?’ she asked with a grin, causing Perry to moan and smack his head down again.

‘He doesn’t know,’ Perry replied, ‘and I’d like to keep it that way.’

‘Why?’ asked Bea, and when Perry peeked at her, he could see her genuine confusion.

‘Because he’s never been in love before, never been interested in dating before, and after my last disaster of a blind date, is actively happy that he’s never dated before,’ Perry listed off, and before Bea could interject, he held up a hand. ‘And I’m not going to risk losing the best thing to ever happen to me – again – just because of my own feelings. I can still love him and still have him in my life as only a friend. I don’t need more.’

‘But you’ll be unhappy,’ she said, rubbing his arm.

‘But I’ll still have Heinz,’ he whispered. He could see her eyes rolling at him, and frowned.

‘Well, come on then, Mr. Angsty,’ she said, pulling him to his feet. ‘The new batch of recruits need an evil scientist to spar with, and I think you could use the distraction.’

‘I have work to do,’ Perry complained, but they both knew it was only a token protest.

‘You can bang your head on your desk later. C’mon,’ she replied, and for such a small agent, she had an iron grip.

*****

Heinz hummed to himself as he walked down to Perry’s cubicle. He had about an hour till lunch, and he needed a second set of hands (and opinions) on one of Rodney’s –inizors that he was currently reverse engineering. Carl was busy with the latest batch of recruits, so that left Perry.

He’d never actually done Science with Perry before – yes, he’d reworked all his –inators, but that had been when they were still nemeses. He started to get even more excited – Science Time with his best friend! How awesome would that be!

He chirped as he tapped on Perry’s cubicle, then frowned upon finding it empty. He said he’d be going over the Gander case notes this morning…

‘Um, Agent – eep! I mean, Heinz?’ Heinz turned to look down at Pinky the Chihuahua. He nodded at the shorter agent in a friendly fashion. He’d been one of the ones to help get rid of that Richard jerk in the park.

‘I think I saw Agent B drag Agent P down to the gym… something about playing Evil Scientist with the new recruits? I’m headed that way now, if you’d like to join me?’

‘That’s fine… I need his help with an –inizor,’ Heinz told the canine agent, who grimaced.

‘Not with Poofenplotz’s, I hope.’

Heinz laughed. ‘No, done with that one. It’ll be boxed up and filed away later today.’

Pinky shuddered. ‘Good. That one was horrible.’

Heinz grinned. ‘Well, it was… interesting, to say the least.’

‘You didn’t get zapped with it,’ Pinky retorted. Heinz bit back on a grin.

‘I’m sure you looked very pretty,’ he said with as straight a face as he could muster. Pinky let out a low whine, but didn’t say anything as they walked into the OWCA training facility.

A small crowd of older agents were gathered around the sparring ring with the recruits and Carl, and shortly after they entered, Perry flipped the new snapping turtle recruit over onto his back and churred in victory.

Bea whistled as Perry held his hands up. ‘One more victory for Evil Scientists! Can no one stop my reign of terror!’ he joked, causing Heinz to roll his eyes as they approached the group from behind. Bea smiled wickedly, making eye contact with Heinz and gesturing to the ring. Heinz grinned.

‘I think I can stop your reign of terror,’ Heinz called out, smirking as Perry whirled around, nearly tripping over his own feet. Heinz pulled off his lab coat and tossed it to Carl, who was also smirking as Heinz clambered into the ring.

Whispers broke out among the bystanders, as older agents explained to the recruits just what was going on here. Heinz ignored them, focusing on his now smiling best friend.

‘Should I let you monologue for a bit first? Or do you think we can skip that part?’ Heinz snarked, causing Perry’s grin to grow more shark-like.

‘Would trapping you in a cage make this more authentic? I think I have some more paw cuffs around somewhere,’ Perry returned.

Heinz could’ve sworn he heard Bea groan something about her idiots, whatever that meant, but it was lost under the louder voices of some of the agents.

‘God, they’re like an old married couple,’ he heard one agent whisper to another behind him. 

‘I think its sweet,’ Pinky replied.

Heinz looked around briefly in confusion, but the only couple he saw was Agents C and F… who were, in fact, an old married couple. He turned to back to Perry, whose cheeks were a bit red as he gestured to Heinz in his classic ‘start fight’ pose.

Heinz grinned, leaping at Perry with a feinted uppercut, before swooping down to attempt to sweep his legs out from under him.

Perry jumped, attempting a downward punch at Heinz, and the fight was on.

The fighting was fast-paced and looked more brutal than it really was. He distantly noticed gasps coming from their audience as the two friends barely pulled some of their hits in time. But the point was, they were both in total control and they still held back in all the ways they ever had – Heinz never used his claws or teeth, and Perry never aimed to actually break Heinz. The fight showed their audience just how a nemesis relationship was supposed to be – a violent but respectful clash of Good versus Evil.

God, how Heinz had missed this.

They had never really talked during their clashes, so there was much less snark during the fight than the others expected. The two former rivals dragged the fighting out for as long as they could, both not wishing for the clash to end.

But end it did, when Heinz bounced off the sparring ring’s cables and tackled Perry onto his stomach, gently wrenching his arms up and dodging the man’s feet as they flipped back to kick him.

‘And that’s how you thwart Evil!’ Heinz jeered, causing Perry to groan beneath him, even as he started laughing. Heinz blinked as some of the recruits and agents started cheering, having forgotten their audience for a few moments in the rush. 

Carl watched them thoughtfully, before announcing, ‘I think we’re going to use you more often in the sparring training, Heinz, if you can still fight like that.’

Heinz shook his head smugly, helping Perry to his feet. ‘Nope! Retired. Staying that way.’ He made shushing gestures with his paws at the disappointed noises from the recruits. ‘Don’t worry, I’m still teaching you how to use all the technical gear… and how to drive,’ he shuddered, then relaxed as he felt Perry pat him on the shoulder in sympathy.

The chime sounded, and Carl looked at his watch and grinned. ‘And that’s lunch, recruits! You have one hour.’ The recruits cheered as the group dispersed. Carl waved to the others as he led the baby agents out of the facility, leaving Perry, Heinz, and Bea behind.

*****

The three friends slowly made their own way to the cafeteria, Heinz shrugging his lab coat back on as Perry brushed himself off.

‘So, how is cohabitation treating you two?’ Bea asked innocently. Heinz purred even as Perry shot her a dirty look.

‘Its going really well. Someone has a sad, sad bachelor diet, so I’m teaching Perry how to cook!’ Heinz chirped proudly. Perry couldn’t help but smile at the ocelot’s enthusiasm, even as he shot the bunny a glare and made threatening gestures where Heinz couldn’t see.

Bea rolled her eyes at him. ‘Well, you’ll just have to feed your man up while you’re living there!’

Perry wanted to murder someone, someone small and fluffy.

‘Believe me, I plan to!’ Heinz chirped, unconsciously scent-marking Perry as he brushed by him into the cafeteria. Perry grimaced, even as he melted a bit inside, and Bea laughed at him.

*****

‘So, Rodney really is a complete jerk,’ Perry stated as they picked through his –inizor. The pair had worked over the machine all afternoon, Heinz purring off and on the entire time. Perry was also immensely enjoying himself – outside of group projects at Evil U., he’d never had an inventing partner before. And certainly never one of Heinz’s caliber.

Heinz chirped an agreement, and Perry tried not to focus on how Heinz’s rump wiggled about as he fiddled around inside the machine. He pulled out with his handheld scanner, thankfully focused on its readouts and not Perry’s reddened face.

‘Yup, this –inizor is one of the more evil I’ve seen come from him. Good thing Agent S stopped him before he could use it.’

Perry leaned back on the table, picking up what looked like a hair dryer and fiddling with it.

‘So, its almost time to go home… what’re you teaching me to cook tonight?’ Perry asked, hoping to distract himself away from his treacherous thoughts.

Heinz grinned as he looked up. ‘Well, tonight I thought we’d try – DON’TTOUCHTHAT!’ He finished, a solitary paw reaching towards Perry as he fumbled the device, a beam of light shooting out and hitting the ocelot.

‘HEINZ!’ Perry shouted, shielding his eyes from the glare. His hand lowered swiftly…

…and he snorted so hard his nose hurt. He raised a hand up to cover his grin, but judging by Heinz’s narrowing eyes, he failed miserably.

Heinz sighed, resigned as he looked down at his new attire. ‘You know, I’m really more of an autumn,’ he announced, adjusting his new sea foam colored ball gown.

Perry lost it, falling to the floor and rolling in his laughter. He didn’t notice any movement in his mirth, so it was a bit of a surprise to him when he was momentarily blinded.

As he waited for his vision to clear, he heard Heinz start giggling. Perry sighed himself.

‘I suppose I had that coming,’ Perry stated, looking down forlornly at his new pale blue gown. Heinz grinned widely.

‘You know, it really suits you. Brings out your eyes,’ he mock-gushed sweetly.

Perry grinned, and the two friends giggled as they helped each other to their feet.

‘Well, let’s hit the reverse switch and go home,’ Perry stated, smile fading as Heinz’s own grin widened.

‘Oh, there’s no reverse switch – Poofenplotz doesn’t believe in such things.’

Perry blanched. ‘So, we’re going to have to wear these –‘ gesturing to his dress – ‘out?’ he asked timidly.

‘No, you get to wear that out. I’m an ocelot, remember?’ Heinz finished smugly, shucking off his dress and causing fire to rocket across Perry’s face, ears and neck. ‘I don't need no clothes,’ he finished smugly, oblivious to Perry’s sudden jolt of arousal.

‘You owe me a new lab coat, by the way,’ Heinz tossed over his shoulder as he turned to gather his things. Perry sighed, then straightened his shoulders.

If he was going to leave like this, he’d at least give his fellow agents a show.


	5. Day Four: Wednesday

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little late again, but to be honest, a lot of this has been partly filler and hard to write. This one is short, but believe me, this is the last of the filler before we get to the much longer, really good stuff to follow.

The next morning, it was all anyone could talk about, Perry’s proud strut through the cubicle jungle out to the parking lot, a giggling Heinz trailing behind him. Perry just grinned and shook off the lingering embarrassment as Bea complained about missing the whole thing.

He was finally compiling his notes regarding Gary’s last known movements from his final mission. Gary had been a ‘free agent’ much like Heinz was before he was assigned to Perry. He had been unable to pursue a nemesis deal thanks to his yearly migration / transfer to the Southern OWCA office. Perry read over the reports from the superior officer there… Gary’s last agency sighting had been days before he was due to return to the Danville office. He had never shown up.

Perry looked at the clock. Heinz should be finished with his weekly game of chess with Kevin by now; maybe they could go over their plan of attack for tomorrow.

Perry gathered his files about both Gary and the pet show, and hurried down to Heinz’s lab. Hopefully he had boxed up that monstrosity of Poofenplotz’s – he wasn’t about to suffer the same indignity again.

His eyebrows rose when he encountered the locked lab doors. Heinz always had an open door policy, unless he was working on something really dangerous… or was upset about something, remembering Christmas. Perry knocked, and waited, but the ocelot never came. Worried now, Perry picked the lock and silently entered the lab. 

Perry’s jaw dropped slowly. He was glad Heinz wasn’t injured, but this was nothing like he’d expected.

Heinz was lying on a rug, wearing a headband and matching wristbands, doing leg lifts in time with the blond villainess on the monitor before him.

‘Is that Dance Baby?’ Perry asked before he could stop himself, and Heinz yowled, jumping up with his fur on end.

‘Perry! The door was locked for a reason!’ Heinz snipped, turning off the monitor as the tips of his ears went red – Heinz’s blush, if you knew what to look for.

Perry smiled, flipping the lock behind him and crossing his arms. ‘Isn’t that a LOVEMUFFIN exercise show? Why are you exercising with the villains?’

Heinz looked sheepish. ‘Know thy enemy?’

Perry smirked. ‘Nice try.’

Heinz shrugged. ‘It has catchy music. I record it every week and do it when I have the time. Would you…’

‘Yeeesss,’ Perry drawled, his smile growing wider. Heinz grinned.

‘I gotta spare headband!’

*****

One hour later, Perry was pleasantly worn out and lounging around with Heinz in his office now. The two had received some funny looks as they stopping in the break room to get some bottled water, but Perry assumed that was because of the whole dress thing from yesterday. 

‘Okay, so tomorrow, we’ll go straight to the show from my apartment. It’ll look strange if we don’t compete, so Carl signed us up for the ocelot division. We’ll go in, jump through all the hoops – not literal hoops, probably – and then track down our contact. Apparently she’s competing in the songbird division later than morning. Any questions?’

‘If we win, who gets to keep the trophy?’ Heinz asked with a goofy grin. Perry laughed.

‘You can keep the trophy. I’m just there as your arm candy, remember?’ Perry flinched a bit inside at his accidental flirting, but Heinz merely giggled.

Relieved, Perry smiled. ‘Bea will be there in case we need back-up. Stacy and Ginger have apparently entered her in the rabbit division.’

Heinz’s eyes lit up. ‘We have to go watch! When does she compete?’

Perry looked at his notes. ‘Just after we meet up with the contact. We should catch her if the mission doesn’t go over time.’

Heinz purred. ‘We should cheer her on and totally embarrass her, since none of the humans will understand us.’

Perry smirked. She’d been teasing him about both Heinz and the ballgown, so he was in no way against a little payback.

‘Definitely,’ he agreed, and the two friends shook hand and paw on it. 

*****

The rest of the day passed in relative ease. Heinz and Perry met up for lunch, then beverage break, where the two friends plotted all the ways they could embarrass Bea tomorrow.

Perry sighed as yet another pair of coworkers paused outside his cubicle to gossip. Apparently, some of his peers were shacking up on the job, and while Perry was perfectly able to mind his own business, the same couldn’t be said for his coworkers.

‘Did you hear about –‘ cue furtive glance – ‘them?!’

‘I did! But they both seem much too professional to fool around at work!’

‘I know! Just goes to show –‘

‘All right, break it up you lot.’ A welcome voice interrupted. ‘Back to work, gossipmongers. Nothing to see here and all that rot.’

The other agents dispersed as Bea entered Perry’s cubicle. Perry stretched back in his chair, shooting her a grateful smile.

‘Thanks for that. All anyone’s talked about today is whoever the lucky couple is…’ Perry trailed off at Bea’s mischievous expression. ‘What?’

‘About those rumors…’ Bea started with a grin, ‘They’re about you and Heinz, and your apparent afterglow in the break room this morning.’

Perry’s jaw dropped again. ‘We didn’t –!’ His mind was boggling at the thought that they thought he had had sex with Heinz… ‘We were only working out!’

‘So that’s what they’re calling it these days,’ Bea smirked, causing Perry to frown and glare at her.

It was so on tomorrow, he silently promised. Before he could say anything, however, Heinz knocked on the outside of his cubicle, seeking entrance. 

Perry waved him in, his frown vanishing.

Heinz waved at Bea, before turning to Perry with a 1000-watt smile. 

‘Hey, temporary roommate! We’re off shift!’ Perry glanced at his clock, surprised to see that Heinz was right. ‘Tonight we’re making Holy Yum Chicken… so let’s get going!’

Perry nodded and turned to save and shut down his computer for the night. He smiled as Heinz inquired about Bea and the contest tomorrow, and her half-hearted replies. Apparently she didn’t want any part of the pet show, which made their revenge much much sweeter…

The pair bade Bea goodnight, before heading out to the parking lot and buckling in to Perry’s sedan.

‘So, Holy Yum Chicken looks complex, but its actually really really simple! And tasty. Here’s what we do…’ Perry smiled, lulled into an easy sort of comfort as Heinz rambled on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this has been a lot of Perry POV so far, but that’s going to change now as Heinz starts putting everything together.
> 
> Holy Yum Chicken is the best thing ever – has the seal of approval from everyone I’ve ever made it for, including toddlers. I’ll post the link next time, but if you can’t wait, go to Pinterest and search for ‘Holy Yum Chicken’. Follow the recipe to the letter, and you won’t be disappointed. Simple, but really really good.


	6. Day Five: Thursday

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things to remember:
> 
> Everything Heinz knows about love to this point he's learned from movies or soap operas. So yes, he's angsty as fuck about it. You may or may not need tissues as he gets 'kicked in the butt by love'.
> 
> This one is all Heinz POV and all Heinz angst as he works his way through major revelations. Because he's oblivious - until he's not.
> 
> Starts fluffy though. So enjoy.

Heinz hummed as he opened the door and peeked into Perry’s bedroom. Perry was not normally a morning person, he had discovered this week, but usually the smell of food could drag him out of bed in the mornings. 

Heinz giggled as he gazed over his sleeping best friend. Perry was sprawled out on his stomach, snoring lightly with a bit of drool soaking his pillow. Very attractive. A mischievous thought crossed his mind, and Heinz shook himself, readying himself to strike…

He pounced on top of Perry, laughing as the man jolted awake, arms flailing. 

‘Good Morning!’ Heinz exclaimed, and the man glared at him from over his shoulder.

‘Is there a legitimate reason for waking me this way, or am I going to have to kill you?’ Heinz would be more intimidated if he hadn’t noticed the man discretely wiping the corner of his mouth.

‘I made waffles,’ Heinz replied with his most charming smile. He inwardly cheered as Perry reluctantly smiled back.

‘I suppose you can live for one more day,’ he churred, then yawned.

Heinz rolled his eyes. ‘Up and at ‘em, sleeping beauty. We have about an hour until we need to leave for the show.’

‘Yes, Heinz,’ Perry dutifully replied, and the ocelot poked him on the shoulder before jumping off the bed and heading back to the kitchen.

He had just finished plating their breakfast when Perry slouched into the room, smiling sleepily at Heinz as he handed him his morning tea. The ocelot snorted at the man as his face perked up at the sight of the waffles. The pair sat down and began to eat.

‘Good thing I took a shower at work yesterday… my fur looks much better when I use the Air-Dry-inator on it.’ Heinz bristled at Perry’s amused look. ‘It’s a pet show, I need to look my best!’

Perry just continued to smile as he ate, causing Heinz to shake his head in fond exasperation at the man.

Heinz shooed him out of the kitchen as soon as he shoved the last bite of waffle into his mouth. ‘If you’re going to be my arm candy, you’d best go make yourself pretty,’ he told Perry, who looked both embarrassed and indignant at Heinz’s words. Heinz waved him off, going back to the kitchen to finish washing up from breakfast.

By the time the last plate was sitting in the drainer, Heinz heard Perry walking back down the hallway towards him. Perry reentered the room, holding his hands open in a classic ‘ta-da’ pose. Heinz gave him a long, slow look over, making sure to keep his poker face.

The human agent had decided to pair dark jeans with low-cut black boots and a light blue polo. Heinz sniffed, catching a light hint of Eau du Platypus. He was clean shaven, hair was neatly combed, and his agent communicator was strapped around his wrist.

Heinz could tell Perry was getting a little nervous under his scrutiny, so he smiled widely. ‘Perfect. Now I just need to run a comb through my fur and brush my teeth, and we can head out.’

Heinz rushed down the hall, brushing his teeth quickly and grabbing his grooming brush. He reentered the living room, running the comb over his head and shoulders, trying to straighten out any bed head he might be sporting. 

Perry snorted. ‘We might as well do this right, if you want to win,’ he stated, taking the brush from Heinz and running it firmly down his back and sides. Heinz purred, and some deep, disconnected part of his overloaded brain wondered why this felt so much better than when the kids brushed him… 

It took him a moment to realize that Perry had finished and was trying to get his attention. Heinz felt his ears pinken as he lifted his eyes to meet his friend’s amused expression.

‘Now, I think we’re ready,’ Perry stated, hooking the leash to Heinz’s collar. They exited the apartment and took the elevator down to the street. The park was only ten minutes away on foot, so they bypassed Perry’s car and walked briskly in its direction.

As they neared the park, they could see other people leading their pets along, individuals as well as whole families. 

“Heinz! Mr. Perry!” a young voice shouted, and the pair slowed as the Hirano girls, along with Bea, came running up to them. Bea was dressed in a pink tutu, with tiny little ballet slippers tied to her hind feet, and looked absolutely miserable. Perry and Heinz shared a quick grin, before Perry pulled a notepad and pen out to converse more easily with the girls.

“We didn’t know you were bringing Heinz!” Ginger said as she and Stacy began petting the purring ocelot.

Perry quickly wrote down a response that had the girls smiling.

“It will be a nice surprise for them if he wins! What time do you compete?”

Perry jotted down the time, and the girls grinned. “Cool! We’re going to look around, but we’ll come and cheer you on!” Perry held out a thumbs up, waving as the two girls went running off again.

Checking the time, Perry winced, motioning to Heinz that they needed to hurry. They rushed over to the registration check-in, quickly confirming that yes, Mr. Fletcher and his ocelot Heinz were here to compete. The volunteer helpfully pointed them in the direction of the sports field that was being used for the larger animal events, and the pair hurried in that direction. 

They both blinked when they reached the field. Perry gave Heinz a wry smile.

‘Sorry, I guess you are jumping through hoops today,’ he apologized with a shrug, motioning to the obstacle course set up on the field. Heinz tilted his head, examining the set up.

‘Piece of cake. The OWCA course is much harder. Think you can keep up with me?’ he challenged, and Perry smirked.

Another man approached before Perry could reply. “Well, well, looks like we have some fresh meat – for this years competition, I mean,” he leered, giving Perry an obvious look over. Perry rolled his eyes, a slight frown on his face as the man continued to flirt with him.

His ocelot, on the other hand, plopped down next to Heinz with a sigh.

‘I apologize for everything my owner says to your owner. He likes to think he’s smooth,’ she told Heinz, ‘I’m Glenda, by the way.’

‘Heinz, and this is Perry,’ he said, nudging his shoulder against Perry’s leg. ‘So how does this work?’

‘First time?’ She glanced at him sympathetically. ‘Its pretty straight forward. First we stand around and look pretty, taking turns running in circle while they judge our grooming and comportment or some rot. Then the leash comes off and our owners run beside the course, while we go through the actual obstacles, to see how well we’ve been trained. Lot of rubbish, it is. Do they think we’re dogs or something?’

Heinz laughed sheepishly. ‘I thought it looked kind of fun,’ he told her. She snorted.

‘Well, I’m not going to give you any competition. I’m pretty sure Maxwell here just drags me down every year to try to pick up the other owners.’ 

The ocelots tuned back into the very one-sided conversation just in time to hear, “Maybe after we’re done, we could see about breeding – the cats that is.”

Maxwell started sputtering as Glenda immediately began pulling him away from Perry and Heinz, ranting at him in animal speak.

‘Again with the breeding line! You got punched twice last year for that one! I am so sorry!’ she yelled to Heinz over her shoulder, who simply giggled in response.

‘He was going to get punched again this year for that one,’ Perry muttered under his breath to Heinz, who simply purred and rubbed his shoulder against Perry’s leg in sympathy.

‘Such a hard life for my poor arm candy,’ Heinz crooned. ‘Did you catch anything she said?’

Perry snorted, uncrossing his arms. ‘Yes. If I had bothered to listen to everything he’d said, he would’ve been punched long before she dragged him away.’

The PA system blared into life, “Would all ocelots and their owners please come to the arena? Your event starts in five minutes.”

‘That’s our cue!’ Heinz told Perry, who in turn waved to the Hirano girls as they made their way up into the stands.

“Good luck Heinz!” the girls cheered as the pair walked across the grass to the other contenders.

*****

The first part of the competition was just as boring as Glenda had said. There were about a dozen ocelots in all, and one by one they were each examined by the judge, an older man with white frizzy hair and a green blazer. 

Perry and Heinz had been the third pair to be observed, so now they were standing there, bored, while the judge slowly made his way down the line up. About six cats in, they watched in interest as Maxwell got slapped by the owner standing next to him, while Glenda shook her head in exasperation. No one else batted an eye, proving that this, apparently, was also a traditional part of the event.

The final ocelot finished their circle, and the judge clapped his hands in joy. “Now for everyone’s favorite part, the obstacle course!” Half of the ocelots groaned, causing Heinz to smirk.

‘This is so in the bag,’ Heinz whispered, and Perry grinned.

*****

The obstacle course was, indeed, a cakewalk. Heinz snorted as he watched the first ocelot miss about half obstacles, his owner panting along beside him. The second ocelot, who was probably the oldest cat there (not including Heinz, obviously) sat down and refused, point blank, to even try.

So now it was their turn, and Heinz flashed Perry a smirk as the man bent down to unclip his leash. ‘Let’s show ‘em how it’s done,’ he whispered, and Perry grinned back. 

“On your mark… set… go!” the judge clapped his hands, and the pair set off at a jog, perfectly in sync. 

First was a simple ramp, which Heinz dashed up and over as Perry churred encouragement from the ground beside him. They then jogged to a low wall, which Heinz jumped fluidly without the pair breaking stride.

Still in sync, Heinz jogged through a large metal pipe, emerging to meet Perry on the other side. Another low wall, then Heinz leapt up on a balance beam, keeping pace with the man beside him. 

Heinz jumped through a series of three hoops, then up and over a seesaw, Perry chirping in encouragement as they kept pace all the way to the finish line.

Applause erupted from the stands after they’d slowed to a stop, Heinz jerking a bit as he had honestly sort of forgotten they had an audience. Even the judge clapped, before nudging the next pair forward.

Only a few of the other ocelots bothered to try the course, one young female doggedly completing every part, only to leave her owner in the dust behind her. The judge clapped his hands as the pair finished, before briefly glancing at his notes and announcing Perry and Heinz the winners.

Heinz preened as they walked over to the judge to everyone’s applause. A volunteer handed the judge a brass, two handled cup, which had the date and ‘Champion Ocelot’ engraved on the front. 

“I’ve judged this competition for years, and I’ve never seen a pair in such harmony with each other as you two. Congratulations!” he said, handing Perry the trophy and shaking his free hand. Heinz could hear the girls squealing from the audience, and after Perry waved to the assembled, they walked off the grass to where the girls were waiting.

“Great job, Heinz!” Stacy squealed, hugging the ocelot around the neck. Ginger patted him on the head, and he purred contentedly.

‘Piece of cake,’ he chirped, and Bea pouted in Ginger’s arms. 

‘I wish I got to do an obstacle course,’ she groaned, patting at her tutu forlornly. Heinz grinned smugly, while Perry asked the girls via notepad when their competition began.

After the pair agreed to come watch Bea compete, the group drifted off their separate ways.

‘All right, let’s find our contact and see what they can tell us about Gary the Gander,’ Perry churred, leading Heinz through the crowds.

“Heinz?!” a surprised voice asked from behind them, and it took every fiber of his training to keep himself from turning around and purring. He noticed Perry sporting a confused look on his face, but Heinz was frozen to the spot. It couldn’t be…

“Oh, well, I suppose it couldn’t be him, Heinz is probably long gone by now,” the voice continued, “But I must say, the resemblance is striking.” Charlene, for it was indeed her, bent down a little in front of Heinz, holding a hand out to be sniffed. Heinz did so, his purr finally emerging in a fond rumble.

Charlene took this as an invitation, lightly scratching her fingers over his head and chin, causing his purr to deepen.

She stood up and addressed Perry, who had an obviously forced smile on his face. “Sorry to intrude, but I had an ocelot once that looked just like yours. I had to give him up, but he was one of the sweetest pets I’ve ever owned.”

Perry shuffled a little closer to Heinz, signing something to Charlene while Heinz looked up at her fondly. The years had been good to her, and he was glad that she was obviously doing well. 

“Oh, I’m sorry, I don’t know sign,” Charlene apologized. “I’d better get going. Congratulations on your win today,” she said nicely, reaching out to pet Heinz on the head one last time before walking away.

‘Who was that?’ Perry instantly asked, leading Heinz in the opposite direction. It took Heinz a few moments to respond, he was still a little off kilter from the random run-in.

‘My former hostess. I lived with her for a while in the late 90’s,’ Heinz answered, fondness creeping into his tone. Perry jerked to a halt, looking down at Heinz in shock.

‘Were you… were you in love with her?’ the man asked reluctantly, and Heinz tilted his head as he thought seriously about it.

‘I found her intriguing, at first. Maybe without the whole ocelot thing… well, it doesn’t matter now. She tried to violate the adoption contract by attempting to have me neutered, so that kind of ended it right there,’ Heinz joked, but Perry looked too shocked to laugh. He nudged his friend’s hand with his forehead, catching his attention. ‘Perry? We have to meet the contact?’

Perry shook himself, leading Heinz on through the crowd, his stoic face firmly in place. Heinz looked at him worriedly, trying to think what could be wrong.

His ears flattened as the squawks of numerous birds jolted them both out of their thoughts. Perry looked at Heinz apologetically.

‘I’ll leave you here and go find the contact by myself. I don’t think the bird owners would appreciate you ruffling their pets’ feathers right before they compete,’ he said, motioning to several such owners and pets giving them the stink-eye nearby. Heinz nodded softly, and Perry tied his leash to a bench near the bird tent, motioning like a normal pet owner for him to sit and stay.

Heinz rolled his eyes at him, jumping up to sit on the bench, quickly losing Perry in the crowds.

Heinz thought over Charlene and purred gently. No, he hadn’t loved Charlene, he hadn’t lived with her long enough, and probably never in the way that he thought Perry was asking.

No, Heinz had given up the idea of romance years ago, even for something as unconventional and utterly devoted as the current Agent C and F’s relationship. He was too human in his mindset to really be attracted to another animal agent, and too ocelot in everything else for any human to be interested either.

But he had been fascinated by Charlene all those years ago, when she had adopted him for a brief time. She used to talk to him like she knew he could understand her, treated him more as human family than as a dumb pet. But he doubted she would have ever taken the whole ‘human in ocelot form’ thing in stride… not like Perry had.

Not even Carl knew the story of Heinz’s past life, so to speak. He had never felt the need to share that part of himself, with anyone, not until Perry. Utterly perfect Perry, who understood and accepted Heinz like no one else ever would. Almost like they were made for each other…

Heinz tilted his head, eyes widening in thought. Wait a second…

‘All right! I got the information! …Heinz?’ Perry churred, and Heinz looked up to see his best friend looking at him in concern. Heinz shook off his thoughts, jumping off the bench and stretching a bit. 

‘That’s great! We have just enough time to make it to Bea’s competition!’ Heinz exclaimed with only slightly forced cheer. Perry continued to look at him worriedly, and Heinz rolled his eyes, tugging the man through the crowds towards the area with the smaller mammals competitions.

‘I’m fine, just thinking about some things.’

‘Like Charlene?’ Perry asked from behind him, and Heinz frowned, not recognizing the tone. A quick peek confirmed that Perry had on his stoic mask again.

‘Not really,’ Heinz lied, wincing a bit at the disbelief he could feel radiating from Perry. ‘I’ll explain later, c’mon, happy face now,’ he warned as they walked up to the roped off bunny competition. Heinz saw Perry smile at Stacy, who stood outside the rope giving last minute advice to Ginger inside. Bea sat over on a table with the other costumed rabbits, hunched in on herself gloomily.

Heinz purred and rubbed up against Stacy’s other side, causing both girls to pet him as they continued to talk strategy.

He heard a man about Perry’s age approach, asking something about ‘his two daughters’. Perry signed back, and the man instantly started signing in reply.

Heinz heard the two girls giggle and tuned back in to their now whispered conversation.

“Do you think that’s Mr. Perry’s boyfriend?” Ginger giggled to Stacy, the pair glancing over at the now animatedly conversing men. 

Heinz’s heart froze. He had forgotten, with everything going on, about Candace’s last words on Sunday morning. 

‘And if you meet his new boyfriend, check him out for us, okay? Mom seems to think he’s a keeper, but Dad has said that he’s dated some real jerks in the past, so keep him safe for us, okay?’

Dropping his head, eyes wide, Heinz realized that that wasn’t even the beginning of it. Back in their nemesis days, hadn’t Candace said something about Perry having a crush on one of his friends? It hadn’t mattered at the time, because Uncle Perry and Doctor B were two completely separate people.

But they weren’t anymore. They were one in the same, and now his Perry had a boyfriend that he’d been interested in for ages before now and why hadn’t he told Heinz? He thought they were friends… weren’t they friends? Why hadn’t Perry told him?

The judge clapped her hands for attention, and Ginger ran off to the table with Bea, who was now watching Heinz with concern. Heinz forced a grin, ignoring her look as he forced himself to purr beside Stacy. Perry and the other man had stopped their conversation, both now focused on the table before them.

Apparently the bunnies did have an obstacle course, albeit a much smaller and shorter one than Heinz had had to run through. It was more of a maze, using treats to lure the rabbits through its hoops and tunnels and over walls. Heinz snorted, Bea would win this easily. 

But first was the judging. Each rabbit was in costume, and Bea sat there forlornly as the judge slowly made her way towards her table. 

‘C’mon, little bunny, turn that frown upside down!’ Heinz chirped, hearing a soft snort from Stacy’s other side. He didn’t turn to look at Perry, still hurt by the girls’ revelation.

‘I am going to murder you both later,’ Bea promised, ears flat as the judge inched ever closer.

‘Do it for the girls!’ Heinz replied, causing Stacy to pat him on the head fondly. 

“Even Heinz is cheering you on, Bea! Come on!” she called out, and Bea sighed and forced herself to look as cute as she possibly could as the judge stopped before them.

Ginger and the judge quickly talked over her costume and examined Bea’s health and whatnot, with Bea acting like the perfect pet – perky and cute with great big bambi eyes.

Heinz cheered as the judge moved on. ‘Good job, Bea! Now for the fun part!’

Bea perked up at that, eyeing the course with a sharp eye. ‘Piece of carrot cake.’

Since Bea was one of the last bunnies to be judged, it was quickly time for the obstacle course. Heinz peeked at Perry, who was in deep conversation with the man beside him. Knowing sign, he knew that this wasn’t the boyfriend, as the man was gesturing to his own son and his pet rabbit, and gushing over how adorable Bea was.

Heinz turned back, watching as one by one, the rabbits failed the course. Much like the ocelots, some simply refused to try, while others made it part way through, eating the treats and stopping before the more difficult obstacles near the end.

Bea had her game face on, subtly stretching before Ginger picked her up and placed her at the start. Bea tore through the maze, ignoring the treats and jumping, dodging, crawling through every obstacle perfectly. She indulged herself by eating the carrot slice at the very end of the course, before Ginger scooped her up into a triumphant hug.

Bea looked surprised at the affection, before melting a bit into the hold.

Two more failed attempts (though the other man’s son’s rabbit made it further than any of the others) and Heinz et al cheered as Bea and Ginger were awarded the rabbit competition trophy.

Ginger and the son ducked under the rope, the two men and Stacy crowding around to congratulate and commiserate with the pair.

Bea hopped over to where Heinz remain seated, a worried look on her face.

‘Heinz, what’s wrong?’ she asked, a paw settling on his forearm.

Heinz started to shake his head, before giving in and asking. 

‘Does Perry have a boyfriend?’ Heinz asked quickly and quietly, not wanting to draw the man’s attention. 

Bea got a shifty look on her face, causing Heinz’s heart to sink even as he tried to keep a straight face. ‘Sort of?’ she stated, shooting Heinz a meaningful look. ‘I’ve been trying to get him to work on that, but you know how stubborn he is.’

‘Oh…’ Heinz trailed off, feeling strangely empty as his eyes flew up to look at the man as he laughed and wrote a reply to some comment of Stacy’s.

‘Heinz…’ Bea was cut off as Ginger snatched her up into her arms, racing back over to the others. Heinz just sat there, watching the group interact, trying desperately to get his feelings under control until he could deal with them later.

He must have succeeded, to some extent, because Perry only smiled at him as he picked up his leash to lead him back home, waving one last time to the girls behind him. He started talking once they were back on the street and away from the crowds.

‘The contact didn’t have much on Gary the Gander himself, but did give me another lead who could supposedly tell me everything I need to know this afternoon. Seems I need to make a trip to the Tri-state Casino,’ Perry told Heinz, who smiled and nodded.

‘This is so James Bond,’ Perry gushed as they entered his building, excitedly pressing the button for his floor, not noticing how unusually quiet Heinz was. Heinz preferred it that way.

‘So you’ll be heading back out soon?’ Heinz asked, and Perry nodded. 

‘A quick change, then I’ll head over and stake out the blackjack tables… that’s where she said the new informant would be.’ Perry looked down at Heinz apologetically as they left the elevator and walked back to the apartment. ‘Sorry you can’t come with… an ocelot would probably stand out a little bit.’

Heinz snorted. ‘Just a little,’ Heinz said, brushing past Perry after he’d unlocked the door. Perry grinned and shrugged, heading down the hallway towards his bedroom. Heinz jumped up on the sofa, flipping the television on for background noise as he mulled over these new thoughts.

Perry bounced back into the room only a few minutes later, now dressed to the nines in a tuxedo with red bow tie. ‘How do I look?’ he asked, and Heinz chirped approvingly.

‘Very Bond-like,’ Heinz replied with a forced smile, grateful that Perry was too excited to notice his current fugue.

‘Catch me up on Sunrise when I get back,’ Perry gushed, grabbing his wallet and keys as he headed to the door.

Heinz chirped an agreement, waving as Perry let himself out and locked the door behind him. Heinz blinked at the screen – he hadn’t even noticed what was on.

He flipped the television back off, wandering down the hall to his room and curling up on the bed.

Why hadn’t Perry told him? They were best friends, but Perry hadn’t said a thing, and even Bea knew about this boyfriend… almost boyfriend… whatever he was. Heinz felt cold. Didn’t Perry trust him?

And why did it hurt so much? Because really, just because Heinz never kept anything from Perry, didn’t mean that the man wasn’t entitled to his own secrets… so why should it matter that his best friend was in love with someone else? Shouldn’t Heinz be happy that Perry was in love?

But Heinz wasn’t happy, he realized with growing horror. He was terrified. He didn’t want to lose Perry to this faceless stranger. Because if Perry got together or got serious with this guy, where did that leave Heinz? Perry couldn’t very well introduce Heinz as his best friend – the guy couldn’t know about OWCA, and Heinz wasn’t about to tell some stranger that he was really a human deep inside. All said and done, Heinz could only be the kids’ beloved but mindless pet to this guy.

And that meant Perry would gradually spend less time with Heinz. He had spent so much time, now, convincing Perry that he wouldn’t lose Heinz any time soon, that he’d never dwelt on the opposite – what if he lost Perry? Because he’d never stop Perry from dating this guy, not if he made Perry happy…

But where did that leave him? It left Heinz losing his best friend, maybe not entirely, but he wouldn’t be able to come over so freely anymore, they wouldn’t have movie nights or times like this week, with Heinz cooking for and looking out for his Perry…

This was his Perry, not some random guy’s. He couldn’t take care of Perry the way Heinz could… Couldn’t understand Perry the way Heinz did…

Heinz’s thoughts stuttered. He had always felt, that maybe if things had been radically different, that he could have fallen in love with Charlene. He never had, but that thought had always lingered, softly, the what-might-have-been. 

And he realized, now, that the fondness that had lingered for Charlene didn’t hold a candle to how he felt for Perry. Perry accepted Heinz for everything that he was, that strange conglomeration of human and ocelot. He’d never realized how much that meant to him, how rare that was, until now.

Now that he was on the verge of losing it all. 

Because Perry was in love with someone else, and that meant that Heinz was going to be left behind, again. Maybe not intentionally, but it would happen… that’s how it always seemed to work in the movies.

And Heinz realized, abruptly, that he loved Perry far too much to stand in the way of the man’s happiness. If Perry was happy, and finally loved the way he deserved, then Heinz would stand back, because Perry deserved nothing less.

Even if it meant Heinz’s heart got broken in the process… because love was supposed to be selfless like that. It was about putting the person you loved first, beyond yourself…

And so Heinz would pretend that his whole world hadn’t just shattered, like it had when Otto died. He’d survived it once, and at least this time, he’d still have his friend in his life, even if it wasn’t in the way that wanted…

But Heinz couldn’t face that reality tonight. He needed to get out of here, had to get out of here, spend time preparing himself…

He couldn’t possibly let Perry see just how much he was in love with the man. Perry’s happiness was foremost, and that meant Heinz needed to work on suppressing his feelings for him, because he was going to let him go with a smile even if it killed him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Three more installments after this. Friday, Saturday, Sunday, of One Week at Perry's. Still mean to go back and change all the blind date's names to Richard... will probably do so by Weds.
> 
> So, see you all on Wednesday!


	7. Day Six: Friday

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, this escalated quickly. Have more Heinz angst. Enjoy.

Heinz shivered under his desk, curled in tightly upon himself. He’d fled the apartment shortly after his own revelation, leaving a note to Perry on the fridge about a last minute call about an urgent project or something… 

He didn’t really care. It was vague enough that hopefully the man wouldn’t come check on him overnight, and as he watched the sun slowly rise in his one window, he knew that the ruse had worked.

Heinz felt like a complete dummkopf. He had always known that he held Perry in higher regard than anyone else in his entire life, and he had known, but maybe never really acknowledged, that he loved Perry for simply being Perry. He hadn't even flinched when Perry settled in and became the most important person in his life, even more than the kids, though they were a close second.

But he didn't love the kids the way he loved Perry. He and the kids adored each other, but it was a simple love – he was their pet and they were his family, but they didn't really know him, the real Heinz.

But Perry had seemed fascinated with Heinz, much like Heinz was with Perry. They kept orbiting each other, wanting to know every little thing that made the other one tick, the fascination with each other never fading, only increasing as time went on.

Heinz had never been in love before, so he didn't realize what this was until the thought of losing Perry to someone else made every fiber of his body ache. He'd seen it in movies, on tv, but it never prepared him for this slow, crawling thing that had consumed him. Perry had been so much more than a best friend to him for so long now, he couldn't even pinpoint when it first struck.

If it had just been this, this loving Perry for simply being Perry, then maybe it wouldn't be so difficult to see the man fall in love-love with someone else. But now that Heinz had had a taste this week, of what 'more' could be with Perry, he wanted it. 

Heinz had never had a relationship, so he really didn't know much about what the 'more' side entailed. Well, really, he knew what couples did together, he wasn't naive, but he didn't have the prior experience to know for himself. But what he did know, was that one morning, when he woke up snuggled up on top of Perry when they were babysitting the kids, that had felt absolutely perfect to him. Absolutely right.

He knew Perry didn't remember that event. He was not an early riser, not a morning person at all, and Heinz would never have moved if it weren't for the fact that the kids were awake and possibly needing supervision. So he'd reluctantly pulled himself away to check on them, and the moment was lost in all the bustle after.

If that was the start of what 'more' with Perry could be, then he desperately wished he could have it.

He loved Perry. He wanted to cook with Perry, snuggle with Perry, watch trashy soaps and go on missions with Perry, even clean that monstrosity of an apartment with Perry. He wanted everything that was Perry.

And now Heinz had no idea what he was supposed to do, because the man he loved with everything he had, had been in love with someone else for a long time now. All he did know was that he couldn't face Perry right now, not until he had calmed down and accepted the fact that his feelings for the man were unrequited, and somehow moved on from there. He just had no idea how he was supposed to do it.

A knock sounded on the door, and Heinz reluctantly chirped, realizing abruptly that in his haste last night, he hadn’t locked down his office. He knew it couldn't be Perry, not this early, so that left...

“Heinz?” Carl asked as he let himself into the office, locking the door behind him when he saw the tail peeking out from under the desk. Heinz reluctantly looked out towards the intern, giving him a shaky smile that caused Carl to look even more concerned. “What’s wrong?!”

Heinz shook his head, unwilling to answer, and Carl rushed over to sit down on the floor next to the desk. The intern tapped his chest twice and pointed at Heinz. The Science Bro signal. “You know I’ve always got your back. What’s wrong?”

Heinz sniffed and nodded jerkily. ‘I’m in love with Perry,’ he signed haltingly to Carl, who looked confused.

“And…?” he trailed off, to Heinz’s own confusion. “You know the Agency won’t mind… I’m pretty sure everyone thinks you’re a couple already!”

Heinz shook his head. ‘He’s in love with someone else.’ He signed briefly about the remarks from the girls and Bea. ‘He’s got someone, I just don’t know who? But he’s in love with this guy, and eventually I’m going to get left behind, and that’s okay, because if he’s happy that’s all that matters…’

Heinz knew he was making little sense, but he also knew that Carl would basically understand what he was trying to get at, and that’s all that mattered right now.

Carl sighed. “I’m sure this is probably just a misunderstanding, Heinz. You should talk to him.”

Heinz jolted. ‘No!’ he signed frantically. ‘I can’t let him give up his own happiness just because I have feelings! He deserves this! He deserves to be happy with this guy!’

Carl looked at him sadly. “You deserve to be happy too, Heinz.” 

‘And I will be, for both our sakes,’ Heinz trailed off determinedly. 'I just need time.'

There was another knock at door, and before either could reply, the knob turned. Finding the door locked, a familiar voice churred his name from the other side.

Heinz panicked as Carl got to his feet. He grabbed his Science Bro’s arm, pulling him back. ‘No! I can’t see him right now… I need more time before I can face him again!’ Heinz signed frantically.

Carl sighed. “Heinz, you just need to talk this out, I’m pretty sure this is just one really big misunderstanding.” He pulled his arm free, turning towards the door and letting a worried looking Perry inside.

Carl turned back around, only to find an empty office behind him, the air vent over the desk hanging open.

“Damn it!” Carl cursed, causing Perry to flinch back. “I always forget he can do that – quick, to his lab!” he said, racing out the door and towards the stairwell. 

Perry quickly outstripped him, racing down the hall and leaping down the stairs. Carl panted as he caught up to the agent, who was yanking fruitlessly on the doors to Heinz’s lab.

“Double damn!” Carl cursed, running a hand through his hair. Perry looked to him in dismay. “Heinz can lock himself in there for weeks when he’s upset like this, and no one can ever seem to override the access codes – I told the Major it was a bad idea to put vending machines in there!” 

Carl turned to Perry and gestured to the doors reluctantly. “I’m sorry, I’m not going to divulge what he’s upset about, but I really think there’s just a huge miscommunication going on here. His lab is impenetrable though – you’ll just have to wait him out.” He patted the agent on the arm in commiseration, then left.

Perry snorted, once Carl was out of earshot. Eyes narrowing, he thought to himself, glaring at the keypad next to the doors. He knew that he knew Heinz better than anyone, so what code would the ocelot use that no one else would know?

Perry typed in Heinz’s real birthdate, grinning as the security system almost silently disengaged. He tiptoed into the lab, tapping the same code into the inner keypad, locking the room back down behind him. He quietly observed the room, finally spotting Heinz’s tail where it had slipped out from under the work bench. He snuck his way over to the table, peering underneath once he’d reached it.

The sight nearly broke his heart. Heinz lay curled in upon himself as tightly as possible, his chest heaving as he sobbed quietly. Perry quickly sat down beside him, and as gently as he could, snatched Heinz towards him, pinning his forearms with one hand to prevent him lashing out accidentally. 

Heinz squawked as he suddenly found himself trapped against Perry’s chest, his best friend churring soothingly as he used his one hand to softly stroke the back of Heinz’s neck, while the other released his paws to wrap him in a hug.

Heinz buried his face against Perry’s shoulder, hiccupping a little as he desperately tried to calm down. He couldn’t let Perry see him like this! He couldn't let him know! He gasped, and Perry gently squeezed him, encouraging him to let it all out. 

Neither knew how long they sat there, consoling and being consoled. 

Heinz was the first to pull away, staring at Perry’s shoulder as he asked hoarsely, ‘How?!’

Perry understood. ‘I know you better than anyone, remember? What code would you remember, but no one else know?’ Heinz knew that his friend was beyond worried for him, but couldn’t meet his eyes, not now, not yet.

He snorted. ‘Of course. Showoff.’

Perry wouldn’t be diverted. Not at all. ‘What’s wrong?’ he asked plaintively. ‘You know you can tell me anything.’

‘Its nothing,’ Heinz sniffed, refusing to make eye contact, still staring at Perry’s shoulder.

‘Its not nothing if it upsets you this much. Hey.’ A hand gently cupped Heinz’s chin, lifting his face up to meet Perry’s pained expression. ‘I don’t like seeing you this upset. Let me help you!’

Heinz looked to the side, away from Perry’s imploring eyes. ‘I’ll be okay,’ he refused to call that a sob, ‘I just need time.’ He emphasized that last part, hoping the man would just drop it. 

But of course he didn’t. ‘Time for what?’ Perry asked, ‘Are you in trouble?’

Heinz shook his head reluctantly.

‘Is there some sort of deadline?’ His friend waved one hand at the –inators around them, ‘I can help!’

Heinz shook his head again.

‘Then what do you need time for? …Heinz?’ Perry churred forlornly, and Heinz started to curl in upon himself again, as the truth reluctantly came forward.

‘To get over it,’ Heinz whispered slowly. Perry pulled him up into a firm hug again at the confession, forcing Heinz to look at him. 

‘To get over what?’ he asked, desperate to understand.

‘To get over you,’ Heinz replied slowly, ears flat as he tried to look anywhere but at his best friend.

‘What?’ Perry asked, and Heinz saw his eyes widen, even as the rest of his face flattened into his stoic mask.

Heinz cringed, then started to babble, his head pressing down into Perry’s chest.

‘I finally figured out last night that I’ve been in love with you practically since I met you, but Candace said you have a boyfriend and Linda said she thinks you’re in love with some friend of yours that visits you all the time and so I’ll just get over how I feel about you because I don’t want to lose you too please say I haven’t lost you…’

His babbling cut off as he felt Perry start laughing beneath him. Heinz’s ears flattened even further, and he shuddered as he started to push away from the human. Before he could, Perry pulled Heinz up, pressing their foreheads together as he made eye contact with the ocelot, a wide smile on his face, his cheeks flushed pink.

‘We’re both idiots,’ Perry told him, smiling brightly. ‘I was talking about you.’

Heinz was completely lost. ‘What?’

‘Linda kept trying to set me up on blind dates – you saw how well that went. She thought I was lonely, so I told her about you, way back when – not that you were an ocelot, or my nemesis, but looking back, I did gush about you quite a bit.’ Perry’s cheeks darkened. ‘She saw it before I did,’ he reluctantly admitted.

‘Saw what?’ Heinz asked, confused.

‘That I was in love with you too,’ Perry shrugged easily.

‘Really?’ Heinz pulled away a bit, eyes frantically darting over Perry’s face.

‘Really. I realized it on that date with… whatever his name was. When I was scratching your jawline, actually.’ Perry flushed deeply. Heinz was intrigued.

‘Why then?’

It didn’t seem possible, but Perry’s face reddened even further as he struggled with his own words. ‘Your reaction to that was totally indecent,’ he finally admitted.

Thinking back, everything suddenly clicked into place. Heinz curled his face into Perry’s chest and began to mewl squeaky giggles.

‘That was what had you turned on?’ Heinz chirped, and Perry churred very reluctantly in agreement, causing Heinz to grin as he peeked up at his crimson faced best friend. ‘I could smell it, but I thought it was because of that guy’s posturing.’

He giggled harder at Perry’s look of disgust at that thought.

'So… what do we do now?' Heinz asked shyly, once he had finished laughing.

Perry pressed a gentle kiss to Heinz’s forehead. 'Whatever you feel comfortable with. I know this is new for you, so we can take this however fast or slow you want. No rush.'

Heinz placed his paws on Perry's shoulders, then rubbed his cheek against his. Pulling back, he started to say something, but was interrupted by the low growl of his stomach. He blushed, causing Perry to smile. 

'I haven't actually eaten anything since the waffles yesterday morning,' Heinz admitted sheepishly. 

'I caught a bite at the casino, but nothing today.' At Heinz's confused look, Perry explained. 'I got in late last night, but I knew something was wrong this morning when my alarm went off. I've woken every day this week without it,' he shrugged. 'When I heard it, and didn't smell your cooking, I knew something was wrong.'

'Sorry I worried you,' Heinz sighed. Perry smiled.

'I think I can forgive my new boyfriend for being a little freaked out. I've been panicking all week, trying not to let my own feelings slip out, because I didn't think you'd be interested in this kind of a relationship with me,' Perry admitted sheepishly.

'We're a couple of idiots, aren't we,' Heinz's ear twitched as he made another connection, 'Wrong, we're Bea's little idiots.'

Perry cringed. 'She's been referring to us this whole time, hasn't she?'

Heinz nodded. 'She's going to be unbearably smug after she finds out about this.'

Perry's own stomach rumbled, and he grinned. 'What say we sneak out, order Chinese, and catch up on Sunrise? I'll tell Monogram that we're checking out another lead.'

Heinz purred. 'Sounds like a plan.'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After this, all the OWCA agents will realize that they were horribly wrong about our boys' relationship status prior to this chapter, because they are going to be absolutely sickening now that they’re actually together.


	8. Day Seven: Saturday

Heinz awoke slowly, warm and completely at peace. He was tangled in blankets, purring lightly as a soft hand stroked from the back of his head down to his shoulders, fingers running through the fur, massaging. He took a deep breath, and the rumbling deepened as he inhaled Perry’s scent.

The hand shifted, sliding to scratch the corner of his jaw, and Heinz moaned, burying his face into Perry’s chest as he felt the man churr a laugh. The scratching continued, causing Heinz to stretch his neck out, resting the tip of his chin at the base of Perry’s throat, moaning again.

He felt a kiss on his cheek, and he blinked his eyes open, meeting Perry’s fond expression.

‘Morning,’ the man churred softly, and Heinz rumbled happily. 

‘Usually I’m the one waking you up,’ Heinz teased, tilting his head away as he yawned. He realized belatedly that his forearms were snugly wrapped around Perry’s torso, holding the man in place. He started to pull back, sighing when Perry wrapped his own unoccupied arm around Heinz in return, keeping him in place.

‘You had a long couple of days, stands to reason you’d be tired,’ Perry shrugged, hand running through his fur again.

Heinz nodded sleepily. The pair had snuck out of OWCA yesterday just before lunch, ordering takeout as they hurried back to Perry’s apartment. They met the delivery at the door, then hurried upstairs to catch up on their recorded episodes of Sunrise of Our Lives.

It had been a slow, easy, perfect afternoon, one of the best of Heinz’s life. True to Perry’s words, they didn’t rush – they both just got used to the sensation of being able to touch each other without having to hide or hold back any longer. Perry stroking Heinz’s fur, Heinz scent-marking Perry without inhibition, snuggling together on the sofa without any awkwardness. All simple touches, charged with new meaning.

‘So, what’s the plan for today?’ Heinz hummed, slightly unfocused thanks to Perry’s attentions. Perry grinned.

‘We’re going to the beach!’ he announced with a grin. Heinz tilted his head.

‘Is this a date?’ he asked, and Perry’s grin widened sheepishly.

‘Yes and no. My lead said my next target would show up at the Danville Beach Outdoor Grill at 5 o’ clock sharp. I’d originally just planned to go then… but now, why not spend the day together? We can have some fun down by the water, then hit the Grill at the designated time.’

‘So… a kind of work date,’ Heinz asked, a silly smile spreading across his face. Perry nodded, grinning in return.

Heinz yawned again, pulling reluctantly away from his new boyfriend. He shivered. Boyfriend!

At Perry’s questioning look, Heinz shook his head, leaning forward to quickly lick the man’s cheek. Perry’s face darkened into a rosy blush.

‘Then I’d better see about getting us breakfast, partner,’ Heinz purred in what he hoped was a seductive manner. Apparently it had some effect as the blush darkened.

Heinz smirked, jumping off the bed and heading to the kitchen, a swagger to his steps. He heard a faint whimper behind him, and his smirk widened into a smile. 

*****

An hour later, and the pair were driving down to the beach in Perry’s sedan. Heinz flipped through his messages while Perry drove, grimacing once he got about thirty texts in.

‘She knows… or at least suspects.’ Heinz told Perry, who flinched even as he stayed focused on the road.

‘How?!’

‘She apparently bumped into Carl after he left you… then she decided to make my communicator explode. They start off concerned, but around –‘ he check the time of the message – ‘three o’ clock she broke into the lab and found me not there. And you were obviously nowhere to be found… I think she suspects we left together.’

Perry whimpered. ‘I’m afraid to check my communicator now.’

‘Yeah, after three, the messages change from concern to asking if we’re together – especially since you were unreachable too – and demanding details. Lots of details.’ He felt his face warm as he read through the next message. ‘Ohmeingott, explicit details.’

Heinz felt Perry glance at him, and he shrugged. ‘I told you, animal agents aren’t shy about sex. I’m not even sure if what she’s asking about is physically possible.’

Heinz saw Perry’s own face redden, and he smiled freely at the adorableness of it.

‘Do I want to know?’ Perry asked, ruthlessly focused on the road.

‘I’ll tell you later. I wouldn’t want you to wreck the car,’ Heinz told him, purring as the man’s ears turned red.

*****

Heinz hissed a little, to himself, at the looks people were giving his Perry on the beach. He had been surprised, after they’d parked the car, when Perry had stripped off his teal t-shirt, clad only in his orange swim trunks and sandals. At Heinz’s questioning look, Perry shrugged. 

‘I only wear the wetsuit if I’m planning to surf. Normally, I just wear these,’ he gestured to the trunks. He smirked as Heinz’s gaze lingered. ‘Like what you see?’ he churred, and Heinz’s eyes widened before he grabbed the picnic basket and turned away.

‘Its fine!’ he exclaimed, ignoring the chuckling from behind.

But now, all these people were looking at his Perry like he was a piece of meat as he laid out their blanket on the sand. One man in particular started walking over, a leer on his face – until Heinz growled at him, causing the man to jump back, startled.

He felt a hand on the back of his neck, Perry’s fingers rubbing circles above his shoulders. ‘You know you don’t need to be jealous, right?’ he churred, ignoring the looks people nearby were giving him.

‘I’m not jealous! I just don’t like the way they look at you, like that Richard before.’ Heinz huffed in frustration. ‘They look at you like you’re prey to be run down. You’re so much more than that.’

He startled a bit as Perry pulled him into a hug, fingers automatically scratching his jawline. ‘Thank you, Heinz,’ he said, planting a big kiss on the ocelot’s cheek. Heinz’s eyes shot to the side to meet Perry’s, and snorted at the playfulness he found there.

‘C’mon, last one in and all that,’ Heinz stated, pulling away and running towards the water. He grinned as he heard footsteps pounding behind him.

*****

The pair played in the water off and on all afternoon, first breaking for lunch, then spending the last couple of hours before their mission sunning themselves dry.

Heinz looked over towards Perry. The ocelot was sprawled on his back, the man on his side beside him, carding his fingers through the fur on Heinz’s chest. 

‘I’m going to need a shower to get the salt water out of my fur tonight… you all right helping me fluff and dry again?’ 

Perry smiled slowly, and it was Heinz’s turn to suppress a whimper. ‘Oh, I think I can manage that,’ Perry told him. ‘You can tell me what Bea asked while we work.’

Heinz absolutely refused to call that a whimper. Perry laughed anyway.

*****

4:55 PM found the pair situated across the street from the grill, hiding behind a sign. Perry had put his shirt back on, and both wore their Hats as they passed the binoculars back and forth, in full agent mode while on stakeout.

Perry had the lenses, and Heinz noticed the way he tensed as he spotted their target.

‘There. I’m pretty sure that’s him,’ he said, passing the binoculars to Heinz. Heinz peered through, eyes widening as he spotted the target hop onto a stool at the bar, obviously chatting up the female bartender.

‘I don’t believe this!’ he growled, sharing a look with Perry. He handed the binoculars back to Perry, before marching across the street, the human agent close at his heels. He approached the target, paw shooting out to grab his neck once he was in range.

‘Agent G,’ Heinz rumbled, and the goose had the decency to look ashamed.

‘Agent O,’ he acknowledged, peering curiously at Perry standing behind him.

‘I think you’re rather overdue for your check-in at the office,’ Heinz told him sternly, and Gary wilted. 

*****

Two hairdryers droned in harmony as Perry and Heinz worked their individual combs through Heinz’s fur. 

‘I didn’t think Monogram could reach that level of anger,’ Perry mused, carefully drying the fur in the middle of Heinz’s back. Heinz snorted.

‘You haven’t seen his interactions with me, then. I can get him that pissed off pretty easily,’ he huffed. He shrugged off Perry’s concern. ‘Its not that bad. He likes to give orders, and I’ve been at the Agency longer than he has, so I usually ignore him. He hates that, and it amuses me, so I keep doing it.’

‘You’ve got an evil streak, I’ve noticed,’ Perry said, grinning at Heinz. ‘I approve.’

Heinz smiled back, returning his focus to drying his chest fur. He shivered, however, as he felt Perry lean forward to whisper in his ear, a hand carding up his spine, against the grain of his fur.

‘So tell me, what exactly did Bea suggest in that text? I think I can tell you whether or not its possible.’ 

Alright, yes, Heinz totally admitted that THAT was a whimper.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See ya on Weds for the Epilogue!


	9. Epilogue: Sunday

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heinz will always be a little shit.
> 
> Important note at bottom, please read.
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

Perry awoke to the smell of bacon and a half-cold bed. He stretched, frowning as he remembered what today was. 

Heinz was leaving today.

Perry had been perfectly serious in his offer at the beginning of the week – Heinz was more than welcome to live here. Even more so now, that they were together.

He involuntarily smiled. He’d spent so much of the last month dreading this week and trying to keep his feelings under wraps, that he’d never imagined that it would end up like this. Never once dared to hope that he and Heinz would end up being in love with each other.

He hopped out of bed, bypassing his shirt as he padded down the hall clad only in his pajama pants. For all their flirting and teasing, their physical relationship hadn’t actually gone anywhere beyond cuddling and kissing yet. They were taking it slow, working this new dynamic into their old one.

Didn’t mean he couldn’t flirt, though. Perry leaned against the doorframe, trying to be seductive as he started to say, ‘Good morn–.‘

Then he caught sight of Heinz, choked on his words and jolted so hard that he slid off the doorframe and fell into the room. Real smooth. He would’ve been more embarrassed if his higher functions hadn’t deserted him in his time of need.

‘Good morning,’ Heinz chirped, a wicked smirk on his furry face. He flipped a pancake, then whirled around, causing the ruffles on his new apron to bounce. ‘Did you sleep well?’

Perry just laid on the floor, before asking in a strangled voice, ‘You’re trying to kill me, aren’t you?’

‘Nope!’ Heinz twirled back to the pancakes, taking them off the griddle before pouring fresh ones on. ‘I just had some spare time the other day, and decided to upcycle my ballgown. And since someone had mentioned something about aprons…’

Heinz giggled as Perry wrapped his arms around him from behind, burying his face in the juncture of Heinz’s neck and shoulder. ‘You are going to be the death of me, you know that, right?’ he groaned, his voice muffled.

‘I think I look quite fetching!’ Heinz said smugly, flipping the new batch of pancakes. Perry sighed, leaning up to kiss Heinz on the cheek before resting his chin on his shoulder, watching him cook.

‘Yes, dear, quite fetching indeed.’ He chuckled as Heinz started purring. He kissed him again, before pulling away to start taking the food to the table. Heinz flipped the last of the pancakes onto a small platter and hopped down from his stool with it, after turning off the stove.

‘You know, you’ve completely spoiled me this week. Its going to be hard to go back to cold cereal tomorrow,’ Perry said after taking a sip of tea.

Heinz shrugged, looking sad at the thought. ‘At least we’ll still see each other every day at work, and we can work around the kids’ schedules and our days off. And you could come over more often – you know you’re always welcome at the Flynn-Fletchers.’

‘I know,’ Perry churred forlornly, ‘I just like it when we’re here, and don’t have to pretend to be anything other than our true selves.’

Heinz hopped out of his chair, and before Perry could say anything, the ocelot jumped into his lap. He wrapped his forearms around Perry’s neck, as Perry quickly reached to hold his sides and keep him steady. Heinz purred, tipping his forehead against Perry’s and looking deep into his eyes.

‘I’ll miss this too. Living together and cooking together and s-sleeping together,’ he stumbled with a bit of a blush tipping his ears. ‘But this isn’t the end, Perry – we’ve only just got started.’

Perry smiled wryly, hugging Heinz close and rubbing their foreheads together. ‘I know. You’re right. If it weren’t for the kids, I would just seriously consider kidnapping you right now and keeping you here forever.’

‘I know. And if it weren’t for the kids, I’d let you,’ Heinz agreed. ‘Now, we’d better eat before this gets cold,’ the ocelot tsked.

‘Yes dear,’ Perry said with a smile, kissing Heinz on the forehead before letting go.

*****

“Heinz!” three voices screamed before Perry could even throw the car in park. The kids came barreling out of the house, Candace reaching the car door first and flinging it open. Heinz tumbled out, Perry laughing as he turned off the car as the children and ocelot purred and hugged and scent-marked and petted like they hadn’t seen each other in years.

“I trust he didn’t give you any problems, right,” Lawrence asked as he came out and hugged his cousin. Perry shook his head, still smiling.

“You look happier than normal,” Linda stated as she came out to greet him as well. “Did you finally get together with that friend of yours you’ve been pining over?”

Perry felt his face heat, and Linda latched onto that reaction like a shark. “You did! It was about time! It was obvious you were completely mad about him… oh, hello Heinz.” Perry felt his boyfriend rub against the back of his legs, head rubbing across the side of his hip as he chirped up at Linda. 

‘Completely mad, huh?’ Heinz mewled, and Perry retaliated by reaching down and scratching the back of his jaw. Heinz moaned softly and turned his face into Perry’s leg and… maybe that hadn’t been a good way to pay Heinz back.

“Looks like you two really bonded. Anyway, the holidays are coming up, why don’t you bring him over so we can all meet him?”

Perry looked down at Heinz helplessly, before signing, ‘I’ll see if he has any plans?’

“Great!” Linda clapped her hands together, before moving to help Lawrence carry Heinz’s things inside.

“Uncle Perry?” He turned to see the kids all looking at him with their best puppy eyes. “We know you have your new job and everything, but can you stay this afternoon? We’d like to tell you all about our trip!”

Heinz walked over to sit beside the kids, giving him the same wide-eyed, pleading look. He gulped.

‘There’s nothing else I’d rather do right now,’ he signed, and the kids cheered. The boys grabbed him by the hands, leading the way inside and already trying to talk over each other as they told him all about their trip.

Heinz and Candace followed more slowly, and she stroked her hand over his head, whispering something that Perry could barely hear.

“So, did you check him out? The boyfriend? He’s worthy of Uncle Perry, right?” 

Perry smiled as Heinz nodded, chirping at her – not that she understood – ‘I’ll promise I’ll always do my best to be worthy.’

Yes, Perry thought, there’s no where else he’d rather be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All right, that concludes this installment. We have two more full installments after this one to look forward to! Yay!
> 
> The last installment (after those two) will not update regularly. That’s because it will be more of a dumping ground for more stories from this verse. Some will be my own prompts, but I’m also opening it up to reader requests – so start thinking about what you’d like me to write about from the Agent O verse. I’ll post more rules later, but these can be from anywhere in the timeline or after, involve any of the characters, or anything you’d like to see from the actual show put into the Agent O verse. Hold on to those ideas for now, and you can start hitting me with them when I post that installment.
> 
> I also have another Perryshmirtz series I’m working on, as well as the ‘Perry’s Sidekick’ storyline, so don’t fear – Agent O might be (technically) ending soon, but you should see all the Perryshmirtz I have planned, some with a side of Pandashrine!
> 
> In other news, I went back and reread ‘First Contact’ last night – sniff – how far our little idiots have come.

**Author's Note:**

> Ah yes, a month of pining Perry and Heinz slowly coming to realize his own feelings. Fun times.
> 
> Things to keep in mind at this point: My Perry is pansexual – packaging doesn’t ultimately matter. But yes, he still has a few hang-ups – not as many as he thinks he should – about the whole ocelot-thing. And his own lack of people skills thing.
> 
> Meanwhile, Heinz is demisexual – just never been really interested until Perry. So its going to take him a while to clue into the fact - since this is his first time in love.


End file.
